The lament of a young women among swine.

I am on my way to really disliking the male species.


I would like to believe that there are intentional males out there. If there are, then I pray to God that he at least make one known to me in one way or another that he EXISTS. I do not wish to lose hope.


It sounds to me as if there is major confusion out there among us young women. After talking with some of my girl friends last night, it became apparent that we are freaked out of our minds. We try to treat the polygamist college male as if he is monogamist, and when amazingly a monogamist male attempts to pursue us, we are suspicious that he is polygamist!! Is it the females fault? 


I do not wish to become one of those bitter women. When a male only attempts to contact you between 1 and 4 AM, what does he want? I don't pick up the bait, mainly because I AM ASLEEP!! But I wouldn't anyways because there are only three reasons why a boy would contact me in the wee hours of the morning:


A) He is asleep most of the day and those hours are when he is awake. 
-It may be true, but is this the sole reason he contacts me at this time? UNLIKELY. This is a sad attempt to give the boy the benefit of the doubt.


B) He is scared to text me during the day because he may actually get to talking to me.
- POSSIBLE. It is my understanding that some males are scared to talk to us females. So he contacts me when I am asleep so he doesn't actually have to talk to me, yet he lets me know that he thought of me at 3 AM? Its kinda laughable, but you what? Some people do this. Is it productive? Not really. 


C) He wants some Ass.
-LIKELY. If a male really wishes to get to know me, he would make it happen IN THE DAYTIME WHEN I AM ACTUALLY AWAKE! I have come to believe that the only reason why a male would message me at this time in the morning is in the OFF chance that I am up and sexually frustrated.


D) A combination of all the above.
-Also very likely. Nothing is black and white when it comes to this stuff. Some may not admit to all the above, but deep down it probably is a factor. 


Now, I must question this males intelligence if he continues to contact me FOR SIX MONTHS in such a manner and I do not take the bait. GET A HINT I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR BOOTY CALL. I am tempted to just tell him to move along and quit wasting his precious text messages of "Hey baby" and "Heyyyy" on a female who is not interested to see what else he has to offer in the bedroom. If he puts as much effort in getting to know me as he would in satisfying me in bed, then I am DEFINITELY NOT INTERESTED. A smart man may figure that one out. 


Now I understand that this whole issue is not one that is new. This is the reality that women have faced for CENTURIES. However, its the way that women plays on this male weakness that empowers us to make the men feed out of the palm of our hand. 


One could view herself as the victim, or a worthy opponent. 


Now, I am not a promiscuous girl, but am I not prude either. I know that what I have to offer is some pretty valuable stuff. I do not, however, wish to cast my pearls among swine. Its not worth my time. I see some of my most precious friends do this, and I also see my most precious friends cry on my lap when they feel broken after. I wish to save myself from this fate and gently encourage my friends to do the same. Don't batter your heart up.


I don't want to miss out on a male who may be intentional because I am suspicious that he may be the opposite. I do not wish to punish such a man for the crimes that other men in my life have committed. 


So what is a girl to do? 


Date when you are ready, when you have healed.


Don't punish a boy for another boy's wrong doing unto you.


Don't be so naive to believe that every boy is intentional.


DON'T CAST YOUR PEARLS AMONG SWINE.


Trust God that he will put a good man in your life.

Anyways

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy over night; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you've got, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."
Mother Teresa




Words I choose to live by. 

Fightin' Texas Aggie Snow Day 2011!

Its not very often that we get a snow day in Texas! With classes cancelled, I ventured out into the wintery aggieland and took my camera out for a spin.
Unfortunately I was freezing and had a sore throat, so my artistic inspiration wasn't coming as easily as I had hoped. These are a few of the best pictures!

Stay Warm!

Things I have Learned in 2010

1. Love is incredibly complicated. However there are a few things that should be true...
-"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." 1 Corinthians 13:4
2. Love is blind
3. Even though I went through heartbreak, I can say that I now know a few things that I want out of a MAN, that I dont want out of a MAN, and that I DONT want a BOY. Because that is what he is, a boy.
4. Young men at this age are not very intentional.
5. God cannot be put in a box.
6. Friendships past high school require more of an effort.
7. Religious bodies are not perfect.
8. Everyone has different opinions
9. Don't trust a man.
10. Don't believe a man.
11. Alcohol should not control your life. Nor should drugs.
12. Buying things will not make you feel better.
13. This is more of a question: How can I trust anyone I've just met to be any better than someone who has known me for two years?
14. Anger will help, but it can be hell when you're trying to fall asleep.
15. Revenge is pathetic.
16. I do not want a long distance relationship unless its true love or we're engaged.
17. Even the most beautiful women end up heart broken.
18. Every woman has had a "Cullen" in her life.
19. Karma is a bitch.
20. God is Good and Right.

...

I got a new beautiful camera for Christmas! Here are a few of the best shots I've taken so far!!

Lord,

Please bless this year and help me count on you throughout it. Please walk with me. 

Amen

My Christmas Wish

The only christmas gift I desire is the one from Papa God.

I really like this name for the Lord because I sometimes feel its much more intimate and personal. He knows me in this way. 

I desire the renewal, the replenishing, and the healing of the heart and soul. I wish to find an identity in him. 
I ask for peace in my heart, and hope for new things to come, hope that my heart will be repaired, and that I will be joyful again. 
I pray that my relationship with Papa God grows this Christmas as I focus on the people and things that really matter, such as:
Papa God
My Mom, Dad, and Brother
My Grandmother
My Aunt Jenny
My darling Cousins (SANTA'S COMING!!)
My Uncle Rich and Aunt Joyce
My Cousin Michael and James
Sandy and her Family
The Manifolds
My Rachie-Poo and Ray-Ray
Megan
Dr. and Mrs. Lobitz
Nick
Mr. Geimer
My dog Riley and Kitties Abby, BJ, and George.

This is what I will put my focus on. I will surround myself with people who will help me and aid in my healing.
And perhaps through that, I can offer something else in return. Hopefully.

I pray that God brings Peace to my heart. I am so weary, and my feelings are all over the place. One moment happy...a few seconds later...sad...

I don't need any more items. Just Papa God's love and grace in my life and the love of my family and friends. 

That's my Christmas wish. I hope Papa God will bring you peace this Christmas. After all, we're supposed to be celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace...

Also, I'm re-learning the "story" of the birth of Jesus. I know the jist of it, but now that I am older, I want to delve deeper. But I feel like I am learning it for the first time in a way, only from a different perspective.

A poets Letter

“What You Do Speaks So Loud That I Cannot Hear What You Say.”

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My dear,

I can’t hear you.

What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.

So speak to me with your actions, not your words. Speak to me with your doings, not your mouth. Speak to me with your hands, not your voice.

For your actions drown out what you say to the point that that’s all I hear.

Truly yours,
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Run from it or learn from it?

I find it quite unnerving that I can feel myself straying from what God wants me to do. 


I just seem to feel it in my chest. Something isn't lining up. Something is right. 


And I sense that the inevitable is coming. It looms and lurks behind my shaky joy and happiness. I know what I am supposed to do, even though it something I so desperately don't want to do. I run away from it. I convince myself that I can control my path and how things are going to turn out. I talk myself into the reality I want. 
But its not reality. Its a delusion. 
And, just as I knew somewhere in my mind and heart, things fall apart for the tenth time. I knew it was going to happen. The foundation of my momentary happiness was unsure and confused. It wants to be in two places at once. It doesn't know what it wants.


And here I am. I knew it would end this way. And somehow I allowed myself to place my joy on this shaky surface. Only a fool does such a thing time and time again. 


I have taken my eyes off the road in front of me. I look behind me. I have tripped and fallen down. And once again, I am grasping for the strong hand of Jesus to help me up, dust me off, and continue. Its happened so many times this semester. 


When will this cycle stop? When will I decide to not look back and continue looking forward, following this life that God has planned for me. Obviously that is not a part of the plan right now. It may be in the future, or there may be something better. But right now, it is not. 


How can I fearlessly look forward and not let go of God's hand and stray?


I have received some wonderful encouragement from some truly lovely women today. Their words made me cry. 

 "Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."