Anyways

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy over night; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you've got, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."
Mother Teresa




Words I choose to live by. 

Fightin' Texas Aggie Snow Day 2011!

Its not very often that we get a snow day in Texas! With classes cancelled, I ventured out into the wintery aggieland and took my camera out for a spin.
Unfortunately I was freezing and had a sore throat, so my artistic inspiration wasn't coming as easily as I had hoped. These are a few of the best pictures!

Stay Warm!

Things I have Learned in 2010

1. Love is incredibly complicated. However there are a few things that should be true...
-"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." 1 Corinthians 13:4
2. Love is blind
3. Even though I went through heartbreak, I can say that I now know a few things that I want out of a MAN, that I dont want out of a MAN, and that I DONT want a BOY. Because that is what he is, a boy.
4. Young men at this age are not very intentional.
5. God cannot be put in a box.
6. Friendships past high school require more of an effort.
7. Religious bodies are not perfect.
8. Everyone has different opinions
9. Don't trust a man.
10. Don't believe a man.
11. Alcohol should not control your life. Nor should drugs.
12. Buying things will not make you feel better.
13. This is more of a question: How can I trust anyone I've just met to be any better than someone who has known me for two years?
14. Anger will help, but it can be hell when you're trying to fall asleep.
15. Revenge is pathetic.
16. I do not want a long distance relationship unless its true love or we're engaged.
17. Even the most beautiful women end up heart broken.
18. Every woman has had a "Cullen" in her life.
19. Karma is a bitch.
20. God is Good and Right.

...

I got a new beautiful camera for Christmas! Here are a few of the best shots I've taken so far!!

Lord,

Please bless this year and help me count on you throughout it. Please walk with me. 

Amen

My Christmas Wish

The only christmas gift I desire is the one from Papa God.

I really like this name for the Lord because I sometimes feel its much more intimate and personal. He knows me in this way. 

I desire the renewal, the replenishing, and the healing of the heart and soul. I wish to find an identity in him. 
I ask for peace in my heart, and hope for new things to come, hope that my heart will be repaired, and that I will be joyful again. 
I pray that my relationship with Papa God grows this Christmas as I focus on the people and things that really matter, such as:
Papa God
My Mom, Dad, and Brother
My Grandmother
My Aunt Jenny
My darling Cousins (SANTA'S COMING!!)
My Uncle Rich and Aunt Joyce
My Cousin Michael and James
Sandy and her Family
The Manifolds
My Rachie-Poo and Ray-Ray
Megan
Dr. and Mrs. Lobitz
Nick
Mr. Geimer
My dog Riley and Kitties Abby, BJ, and George.

This is what I will put my focus on. I will surround myself with people who will help me and aid in my healing.
And perhaps through that, I can offer something else in return. Hopefully.

I pray that God brings Peace to my heart. I am so weary, and my feelings are all over the place. One moment happy...a few seconds later...sad...

I don't need any more items. Just Papa God's love and grace in my life and the love of my family and friends. 

That's my Christmas wish. I hope Papa God will bring you peace this Christmas. After all, we're supposed to be celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace...

Also, I'm re-learning the "story" of the birth of Jesus. I know the jist of it, but now that I am older, I want to delve deeper. But I feel like I am learning it for the first time in a way, only from a different perspective.

A poets Letter

“What You Do Speaks So Loud That I Cannot Hear What You Say.”

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My dear,

I can’t hear you.

What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.

So speak to me with your actions, not your words. Speak to me with your doings, not your mouth. Speak to me with your hands, not your voice.

For your actions drown out what you say to the point that that’s all I hear.

Truly yours,
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Run from it or learn from it?

I find it quite unnerving that I can feel myself straying from what God wants me to do. 


I just seem to feel it in my chest. Something isn't lining up. Something is right. 


And I sense that the inevitable is coming. It looms and lurks behind my shaky joy and happiness. I know what I am supposed to do, even though it something I so desperately don't want to do. I run away from it. I convince myself that I can control my path and how things are going to turn out. I talk myself into the reality I want. 
But its not reality. Its a delusion. 
And, just as I knew somewhere in my mind and heart, things fall apart for the tenth time. I knew it was going to happen. The foundation of my momentary happiness was unsure and confused. It wants to be in two places at once. It doesn't know what it wants.


And here I am. I knew it would end this way. And somehow I allowed myself to place my joy on this shaky surface. Only a fool does such a thing time and time again. 


I have taken my eyes off the road in front of me. I look behind me. I have tripped and fallen down. And once again, I am grasping for the strong hand of Jesus to help me up, dust me off, and continue. Its happened so many times this semester. 


When will this cycle stop? When will I decide to not look back and continue looking forward, following this life that God has planned for me. Obviously that is not a part of the plan right now. It may be in the future, or there may be something better. But right now, it is not. 


How can I fearlessly look forward and not let go of God's hand and stray?


I have received some wonderful encouragement from some truly lovely women today. Their words made me cry. 

 "Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

From an old friend.

"I made her . . . She is different

She is unique

With love I formed her in her mother's womb.

I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember, with great pleasure,

the day I created her.

I love her smile.

I love her ways.

I love to hear her laugh.

And the silly things she says and does.

She brings Me great pleasure.

This is how I made her.

I made her pretty and not beautiful,

Because I knew her heart,

And knew she would be vain . . .

I wanted her to search out her heart,

And to learn that it would be

Me in her

That would make her beautiful . . .

And it would be Me in her

That would draw friends to her.

I made her in such a way,

That she would need Me.

I made her a little more lonesome

than she would like to be . . .

Only because I need for her

to lean and depend on Me . 

I know her heart,

I know if I had not made her like this,

She would go her own chosen way

And forget Me . . . her Creator.

I have given her

many good and happy things

Because I love her.

Because I love her,

I have seen her broken heart . . .

And the tears she cried alone.

I have cried with her,

And had a broken heart, too.

Many times she has stumbled

and fallen alone,

Only because she would not hold

My Hand.

So many lessons she's learned

the hard way,

Because she would not listen

to My voice . . .

So many times I have sat back

And sadly watched her go

her merry way alone.

Only to watch her return to

My Arms, sad and broken.

And now she is Mine again . . .

I made her, and then I bought her . . .

Because I love her.

I have to reshape her and remold her . . .

To renew her to what I had planned for her to be.

It has not been easy for her or for Me.

I want her to be conformed

to My image . . .

This is the high goal I have set for her,

Because I love her."

-God